We’ve all been there. The pressure is on, a deadline looms, and it feels like the success of the whole program is on your shoulders. An email pops into your inbox with the Subject: Urgent Response Needed. You groan, immediately irritated before you even open the email.
“I don’t have time for anything else! Why does this always end up on my plate?”
You open the email and they are asking for your review of a document for the upcoming deadline. “Sure, why not, it’s not like I have anything else to do. I must be the only leader that knows how to edit documents.” You drop everything, review the document, and send a pointed email back with the document red lined with a ton of changes and a note about needing to send it back for another review once they have fixed everything. Your frustration escalates to anger, and you think they are incapable of updating a single document without you.
Stop.
Rewind.
Let’s check the facts vs the stories in this situation.
Facts: You received an email, it was marked as urgent, it requested review
Story: They are terrible writers, they can’t do anything without you, you don’t have time for this, they think you are the only leader that can edit a document
Let’s look at those story phrases more closely and find the facts within it.
They are terrible writers. Actually, they write differently than you do. The information was clear, grammatically correct and included pertinent information. The style was not your preferred style.
They can’t do anything without you. Actually, over time, feedback may have taught them to rely on your review.
You don’t have time for this. Partially correct, you could be using your time for higher payoff activities. You chose to prioritize this likely because the process currently requires your involvement.
They think you are the only leader that can edit a document. Again, the process and expectations may have reinforced this pattern. You could refer them to other leaders you trust.
Once the stories are separated from the facts, we can move into more deliberate thinking. Let’s narrow the focus in this situation. What is within your control? With the tight deadline, what would allow you to delegate review to someone else you trust? How might you decrease the time it takes for review? How might they earn the ability to not get the secondary review?
Adapting to the situation means identifying solutions that keep things moving quickly. If you are truly not confident in their ability to do the task independently, choose to decrease your review to must have vs nice to have and/or request assistance from someone with less on their plate.
Progress means moving things forward in the moment and then identifying how to decrease this challenge for future projects.
So how do we separate fact from story when we are entrenched in the situation? It can be challenging. Often our stories feel the same as fact. One key is to check the language we use.
Does it have absolutes like can’t, won’t, have to, only, always, or never?
Does it have subjective language like terrible, awful, slow, fast, or worthless?
Another key is to check the perspective. If anyone else were to experience the same thing, what things would change and what things might differ? What would the person on the other side of the situation say about what happened?
When we identify only the facts, we can take the situation out of reactivity and into deliberate thought. Emotions move from anger and frustration to determination and resolve or at the very least only frustration.
It is normal, especially in high stakes, fast paced situations to default to reactivity. That is your body protecting you. Facts help us move from automatic reactions into deliberate thinking. The key is to recognize it, stop the reactivity and reassure yourself that this is not a saber-toothed tiger situation, but rather one you can manage with a narrowed focus, adapting and taking one step toward your goal.
