“Do you have a minute?”
Gulp. Incoming!
The minute we think feedback is coming; we often jump to that “my life is over” feeling. We start running through all the things we might have done wrong or forgotten to do, creating a tally of all the weak spots in our armor. Then we start preparing our defenses like we are heading into battle, rehearsing why we did it or why we couldn’t do it, wielding our reasons like a shield.
Even positive feedback can leave us off balance. We deflect credit, minimize it, or quickly change the subject like the positive words are a Trojan horse.
The goal is to move from battle mode to learning mode. To put down the shield long enough to pick up the data.
Feedback is Data
We use data every day to help us with everything from what car to buy to whom to hire and even where to eat. Some information is good, some is bad, but all of it helps us make decisions and improve something. Feedback is the same.
When we get feedback, we need to shift into deliberate thought and treat it as information that can help us keep moving forward. Like any data, feedback shouldn’t be accepted blindly or dismissed automatically. It should be examined, compared with other information, and used to make better decisions.
Just like with any other information, we need to remember a few things about feedback.
1. Consider the Source and the Pattern
If I am looking at a restaurant and there are 30 great reviews and one that says it was terrible, I will still check it out. One review is a data point. Thirty reviews create a pattern. The same goes for feedback at work.
As a leader, if you hear negative feedback about someone who is usually outstanding, pay attention to it, but don’t let one data point outweigh an established pattern. Likewise, when you receive feedback about your own behavior, review it honestly and correct course as needed. There is no need to throw out all of the positive data because of one negative data point.
2. Be Open
Often when we look at data, we look for things that support what we already think. We need to be aware of data that actually points us in another direction.
I once received an email from a team member sharing how something had negatively affected them. I empathized and told them I was sorry that had been their experience. They later pulled me aside and said, “The person who did it was you.”
Well…that changes things. I still hated that they had that experience. The difference was that now I knew I could do something to keep it from happening again.
I still apologized, and I adjusted my communication style to avoid creating that experience again.
The same applies to positive feedback. How many times do we feel defeated, receive positive feedback, and immediately dismiss it? If we can absorb and adapt to negative data, we should be willing to learn from the positive data too.
3. Stay Curious
Whether giving or receiving feedback, staying curious during the conversation can make a significant difference. Instead of viewing the feedback as exchanging fire, consider it the map sitting between the two of you.
Explore the paths that the information provides and figure out the best way forward. Ask questions. Seek examples. Look for understanding instead of ammunition. That makes the conversation less personal and more about making progress.
Feedback, both positive and corrective, is information. The more we treat it as something to understand rather than something to defend against, the more deliberate our response becomes and the more we grow.
So, the next time someone asks, “Do you have a minute?” take a breath. Put down the shield, unfold the map, and see where the information leads.