You have had a horrible boss for years. You have dreamed about the day that they left. You have planned the party in your head, imagined the relief and the difference it would make for not just you but the whole team. And then it happens, they are gone!
And you feel… anxious, excited, relieved, uncertain, maybe even a little lost. Suddenly that fairytale is more complicated than you expected.
We often talk about change in terms of negative experiences or things we didn’t want or weren’t expecting. In those circumstances, negative emotions, identity challenges and working through change tasks make total sense. We expect the “who am I now” experiences and the feelings of shock, sadness and anger. But we don’t often expect those experiences and feelings when we are looking forward to the change.
Change is change whether it is perceived as positive or negative. That means we still have to experience, feel and work through a good change just like one we weren’t looking forward to. One key transition is that of our identity. During the reign of the toxic boss, you may have been the safe space for a peer or the team to come to for reassurance or to vent. You may have been given extra responsibilities as the boss piled on their own work or the work of others leaving you feeling overwhelmed but needed. The new boss has the leadership style you hoped for, but it can still feel like losing a key piece of you.
The roles you develop under a bad boss can become deeply ingrained. When that is disrupted, you suddenly have to come to grips with a whole new reality. The team still needs you, but they need you differently as the new boss encourages more open communication. The new boss distributes the workload to help give you time for more strategic work, but it can be hard to let go. While you work to transition your identity, you may also need to keep your reactive brain in check. It has been busy keeping you safe under your previous circumstances and it may take active intervention to move from that reactivity to more deliberate, productive thinking. Moving out of reactivity is important to managing the feelings and identity shifts that come with the positive change just as it would with a challenging change.
Treat every change with the care it deserves. Take a deep breath, acknowledge what you have been through and what is to come. As we have discussed in other blogs, checking in to see where the challenge is can be really helpful in moving forward. Is it an identity issue that you need to work through? Are you grieving the way it was and feeling angry or sad despite the excitement you expected? Do you find yourself needing more information about the new boss to reassure you that this is a good change? Once you identify the sticking points you can start working through them. Like we discussed on Linked In, writing down our thoughts to change them to something more productive can be very helpful. This can help you visualize what you are feeling and provide an opportunity to change those unproductive thoughts. Coaching can be really useful in talking through the challenges of what your role will look like now. A coach can reflect back inconsistencies in your thoughts and reinforce positive strategies.
Remember that your team members are likely experiencing their own confusing responses. Open, direct and empathetic communication can help prevent normal challenges from becoming bigger issues. One-on-one meetings or even coaching for the team can help them transition more smoothly as well. Reinforce their work as they lean into the new leadership structure, celebrating new identities and accomplishments related to the change.
Overall, it’s key to remember that change is change no matter how you feel going into it. Keeping communication open and authentic, acknowledging the feelings, transitions, and tasks it takes to move through every change can create a smoother path ahead for you and your team. This means every change can be a smooth change.
